10 ways to improve your body language

November 6th, 2009 Posted in Fashion & Style

The photographer’s worst nightmare: being hauled out from behind the lens and forced to stand in front of a camera.

Why must people photograph us? Yes, photographers are adorable, and yes, we have unparalleled style. But we are shy, and we prefer to hide behind our cameras like frightened woodland creatures behind large trees.

Still, people do insist on taking our pictures. So, what to do when you can’t avoid being photographed? Stand tall and follow our tips for instant photogenicity.

There are approximately gazillion tricks, tips and gimmicks that are supposed to make you look great when the shutter clicks. Having combed through most of those, we’ve condensed it to the ones that actually work.

“In my young mind, I saw the human body as a kind of billboard that transmitted (advertised) what a person was thinking via gestures, facial expressions, and physical movements that I could read.” ~Joe Navarro

Social media is, in one sense, bringing us closer together – but it also promotes communication without any kind of physical interaction.  While the business world is catching up with the digital times, there will never, and I repeat never, be any social medium to take the place of face to face meetings (video-conferencing not included – but even those aren’t the same).

So how do we make sure we’re developing our non-verbal communication skills just as much as we are our twitter following or Facebook friends?

Here we go…10 simple & effective ways to improve our body language:

1. Be a movie star

Gotta be aware of your body language first.  Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing – one of the best ways I’ve found to be aware of my body language (as well as my thought patterns) – is to imagine that I’m being filmed in a blockbuster movie and watching myself.  See yourself from a bird’s eye view, and think about what message the character (you) is portraying through his or her body language.  If it’s not what you’d like it to be, fix it – think about what you would like to be portraying and do that.  Now repeat, and practice daily to improve.

2. It’s all in the eyes

It has been said that the eyes are the windows to our soul.  Mr. Navarro attests that it is almost impossible to hide our emotions through our eyes (as opposed to other muscles involved in facial expressions).  Therefore, eye-contact remains one of the telling signs of a person’s level of confidence and self-worth. Maintain eye-contact with people that engage you – but don’t stare too long (kinda creepy).  Read the other person’s comfort level with you to distinguish if you’re coming on too strong – or lacking enough confidence to make yourself interesting.

3. Say cheese

Smiling is one of the easiest ways to make other people feel more comfortable around us (nervous smiling not included).  The more you smile and laugh in conversation the more at ease others will feel around you – but you must be genuine.  An authentic smile involve ’smiles that “crest” or change rapidly from a small facial movement to a broad open expression’ according to Navarro.

4. Posture up

Anybody with any sense of swagger has a certain walk to them, sometimes taken as too conceited.  We should challenge that notion – everyone should walk with too much confidence (without, of course, actually being a narcissist).  Hating on people for being too confident in their walk is like telling someone you have no right to feel good about yourself.  So walk with some swagger – more than you think you should.  You’d be surprised at how much better it makes you feel.  Shoulders back, back straight – but relaxed.  People want to be around other people (and do business with people) that exude confidence.  Slouching shoulders and a timid walk (often a result of too much computer time and not enough physical socializing) need to be adjusted.

5. Be a presence – take some space

Don’t close yourself in.  Whether you’re on a couch, at a party or at your desk – let your body take up some space.  If you cross your legs, cross them, but maintain an open chest and comfortable posture.  Don’t be afraid to make some room.

6. Use your hands

A difficult skill to develop, especially if you’re not used to it.  The more nervous and uncomfortable we are the less far away our hands move from our bodies.  Hands should be used to assist in emphasizing your verbal communication.  Offer a hand shake in a palm up, upright and vertical fashion.  Wide, open gestures during conversation are the most effective and show you care about what you are talking about.  Crossing your arms is a no-no (unless it’s deserved), and non-verbally signals from other people feelings of disapproval.

7. The head tilt

The angle of your head on your neck also says a lot about your demeanor.  Think about it, if someone is listening to you and they tilt their head just a little – it signals you really have captured their attention.  Conversely, if someone is scolding you their head position is very straight, and often tilted slightly down.

8. Distance yourself

While the ‘comfort-zone’ of people varies depending upon the culture you are raised in, it is important not to get all up in someone’s space (another ‘master of the obvious’, I know).  It always amazes me that some people don’t understand this – but for some reason they think it’s OK to be 2 inches away from you while they talk to you.  Not too close, but not so far that you can’t comfortably have a conversation with the person.  Studies show people that invade other people’s personal space are less popular and rejected by others.

9. Stop fidgeting

This can include your legs, feet, or hands.  Fidgeting while giving a public presentation, meeting someone or at a job interview all show signs of nervousness and discomfort.  It’s hard to stop once started – and can only be remedied through awareness of it and by feeling comfortable in your given situation.  How do you feel comfortable in situations you aren’t comfortable in?  Practice them and force yourself to do them until they become second nature – soon you will find your fears diminished and your confidence soaring. Simply reminding yourself to slow down and relax has been found to help as well (use tip #1 to aid in this).

10. Use the mirror technique

Last but not least is the mirror technique.  Very similar to the movie star technique – you mirror image the body language of whoever it is you are talking to.  This makes them unconsciously feel more comfortable and also allows you to be aware of and practice on improving your skills – real time.  Also to be used in mimicking a person whose body language we would like to imitate.

All of these tips will do nothing for us if we don’t practice them on a daily basis. Focus on one per week, and when you feel comfortable in that area move on to the next.  Every day we are given the opportunity should be a progression towards mastering non-verbal communication.

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