Tenomania.com

What are flames?

Flames are violent and aggressive responses to Email messages, newsgroup messages, IRC messages or any other form of communication over the Internet or any other computer network. Flames usually consist of bad words (e.g. Shut the f**k up, R a v e N!), swearing (e.g. R a v e N, you are a complete a**hole!), cursing (e.g. Go to hell, f***er!!), censorship-like marks (e.g. You can take your tutorials and shove them up your !#$^*&!! Why wouldn’t you go and suck some @$(&!@$)^*!!!), threats of physical violence (e.g. You are about to enter a world of pain, you son of a b**ch!! I’m gonna kick your head until it falls off and starts bouncing and rolling down the stairs!!) and capital letters (E.G. F**K OFF, YOU STUPID B**CH!! GO GET A HUMAN FACE OR SOMETHING INSTEAD OF THE HIDEOUS-LOOKING ONE YOU HAVE!!).

WHAT ARE F… Sorry, forgot to turn off the caps lock button. What are flame wars?

Flame wars occur when two or more different parties engage in a violent argument that, in a certain stage, turns into what is called a “flame war”. A flame war would continue until one of the parties would withdraw and admit that they were wrong, if the flame war is killed by the moderator of the discussion mailing list, message board, IRC channel etc’ or if one of the parties gets tired and stops responding to the other party’s flames.

When and why can/would I get flamed?

You can and probably will get flamed when you ask a number of questions or post a number of comments. I’ve sorted these into several groups and given examples for each group.

* * * * * * * * * *

1) Begging.

Please OP me!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!! P-L-E-A-S-E!! I’ll do ANYTHING!!Can anyone please send me this file/URL/whatever? Please? PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE? Please please pretty please?

2) Asking people to do things for you.

Please hack this server/PC/website for me.

Please help me hack a friend’s PC.

Please help me find this and that (unless you say that you’ve been searching this and that for a lot of time and give a short list of some of the places you’ve tried, in which case you probably won’t get flamed, although most chances are that noone would help you, unless it’s a special help board like mine, in which case the moderators would probably help you).

3) General lameness.

I want to impress my friends and look elite. How do I hack?

Remote administration trojans are elite! Now how do I use Netbus?

4) Extreme lack of knowledge.

What is an ISP?

Do I have a sound card? How can I tell?

My printer stopped working. It says: “out of ink”. Why is it “out” of ink? Can’t it just say it ran out of ink? And why did it ran out of ink anyway? I mean, it’s a completely new cartridge! I only replaced it about 8 months ago!

5) Over-use of capital letters and exclamation marks.

HELLO EVERYONE!!!!!!

HEY, LISTEN UP GUYS!!!!!!!!! I DID THIS AND THAT AND I’M SOOOOOOOOOOO ELITE AND STUPID ‘CAUSE I USE CAPITAL LETTERS AND TONS OF EXCLAMATION MARKS LIKE SOME SORT OF A FREAK OF NATURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! MOO, MOO, BAAAA, SQUEAK, MEAU, WOOF WOOF AND OTHER SUCH ANIMAL SOUNDS!

6) Saying something that is against common belief or something that is of plain stupidity.

Hey, people, guess what? I think Windows is a stable operating system and that it kick’s Unix’s ass and I’m here to say it out loud like a total jerk!! I’m an idiot, hear me roar!!

What is Linux? It’s an ISP just like AOL, right?

7) Starting a flame war.

* This part has been censored for the sake of your mental health *

Asking inspecific questions.

Hey, how do I hack an FTP server?

Please teach me EVERYTHING about TCP/IP – it’s ins and outs, how it works, the history of TCP/IP and it’s evolution over the years, detailed analysis of every protocol in the TCP/IP suite etc’ etc’.

9) Praising yourself.

Hey, look at me!! I’ve just hacked my friend’s PC and I’m sooooooo eleeeeeeet!!

You guys are lamers! You know nothing!! I’m ten times better than you all!!

10) Not reading the topic message in IRC channel or the readme files, FAQs and help files in message boards and discussion mailing lists, thus asking silly questions and acting like a total jerk.

Hey, who are the moderators?

How do I use this bot? How do I use this feature?

* * * * * * * * * *

How to avoid getting flamed
—————————
a) DO NOT make any of the mistakes and flame-starting actions listed above.
b) Think twice before doing anything.
c) Make sure you knwo what you’re talking about.

What to do after you’ve been flamed
———————————–
In most cases, it’s better to leave the flamer alone and quiet-down the issue. In some cases, you might have to reply, in which case you must find a way out. While you do so, try not to flame anyone back and make sure you don’t give too many reasons for why you did this and that or said this and that, and only give REEEEAL GOOD reasons.

Flaming-related concepts
————————
* /dev/null – if you don’t know what this is, you probably never studied Unix very thoroughly. Everything sent to /dev/null disappears from existence. This feature is very useful in many situations. For example: if you want to run and kill all the output and direct possible errors to /usr/share/logs/log.txt, you can type this: command > /dev/null 2>/usr/share/logs/log.txt

command > /dev/null or command > 1>/dev/null will direct all output (stdout – Standard Output) to /dev/null. command 0>/dev/null will direct all input (stdin – Standard Input) to the command to /dev/null. command 2/dev/null will direct all errors (stderr – Standard Errors) to /dev/null.

When someone tells you to direct your flames to /dev/null, he means that you’d better shut up.

* STFU – Shut The F**k Up.

* FAQ – Frequently Asked Questions. A file that contains… you’ve guessed it!
Frequently Asked Questions.

* RTFF – Read The F***ing FAQ / Read The Fine FAQ.

* EOF – End Of File (not so flaming-related. Skip two lines ahead to see why I
added this entry).

- E.O.F -

It’s a well-known fact that circuit boards and liquids don’t mix, but there are more bizarre ways to break your laptop. A Massachusetts-based computer repair company has listed the top 10 ways that people deep-six their laptops–MacBooks, in particular. In many respects, a laptop is an accident waiting to happen. Often there is no more than a thin piece of plastic between the user and disaster. And Apple MacBooks are particularly vulnerable at Starbucks these days due to their increasing popularity over the standard-fare Dell laptop.

But spilling coffee on your keyboard is one of the less colorful ways to break your laptop (Apple MacBook Air owners take note: No. 7). Computer repair company MicroReplay, which specializes in repairing Apple computers, listed the top 10 ways that consumers kill their laptops.

1. Sorry, honey, I punched the laptop

"Striking a laptop computer with a fist, even while (the laptop is) closed, will jostle the logic board and stop the computer," said Joseph Kouyoumjian, president and founder of MicroReplay. Estimated repair cost: $1,000.

2. Facebook freak-out

A teenage girl discovers a picture of her boyfriend kissing another girl becomes outraged and flings her MacBook off the desk, sending it crashing onto the hardwood floor. Estimated repair cost: $475.

3. Cockpit crusher

The pilot of a commercial Airbus A320 moves his seat forward while the laptop is on the floor, crushing the case and breaking the logic board. Estimated repair cost: $800.

4. Temper Toss (a subset of the "Facebook freak-out")

Thrown objects can easily break a laptop’s screen. "If you receive bad news on your BlackBerry, resist the temptation to throw near your open Apple MacBook Air." Estimated repair cost: $500.

5. Hurling

"If you puke on your laptop, don’t even tell the laptop computer repair company what the liquid is," notes Kouyoumjian. "If we know it’s bodily fluid, we don’t want it." Estimated repair cost: Fix it yourself, please.

6. Passing out drunk on your Dell laptop

Your sleeping bodyweight can bend the case, and may also ruin the screen. Estimated repair cost: $325–$500.

7. MacBook laptop as foot stool, or scale

No Laptop computer is designed to support your weight, so stepping on your laptop will almost certainly break it. Repair cost: Depends on how much you weigh….

8. Ear buds as laptop or notebook computer terrorist

"Closing your laptop with your ear buds inside will crack the screen," according to Kouyoumjian. "This kind of laptop computer repair is growing with alarming speed. It seems we love our ear buds, yet forget that they are not made of cushy foam. We see a lot of cracked screens as a result." Estimated repair cost: $440.

9. Your 5-year-old discovers gravity!

Any time you drop your laptop from more than 2 feet, it can shake loose a chip or board, and break the machine. Estimated repair cost: $300.

10. Starbucks hates your keyboard

"Liquid spills on a laptop’s keyboard short them out every time. Maybe it’s the caffeine that makes us jittery, but so many laptops are killed by coffee there should be a warning on the paper cup." Estimated repair cost: $350 to $500, depending on the amount of time the computer was left running after the spill.

1. At the movie theatre: When you meet acquaintances/friends

• Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
• Answer:- Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here.

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet

• Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
• Answer:- No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia….. why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask

• Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
• Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

• Stupid Question:- Is the "Chicken garlic" dish good??
• Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years

• Stupid Question:- Jason,Ronny you’ve become so big.
• Answer:- Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask

• Stupid Question:- Is the guy you’re marrying good?
• Answer:- No, he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout…it’s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call

• Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
• Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping… you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair

• Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
• Answer:- No, its autumn and I’m shedding.

9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth

• Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
• Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks

• Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
• Answer:- Gosh, it’s a miracle …………it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

What I think the NCAA is lacking in, among other things, is imagination. I think it is a safe bet that Alabama someday in the future is going to be caught again in some type of football scandal like the recent textbook case or something much worse. What the NCAA needs is a pool of ideas about how to better go about punishing Alabama.  How to hit them where it really hurts. Vacating wins? Pssh, who cares? is what they are saying in Tuscaloosa. They know they won those games. To help the NCAA out, I have a few ideas of my own.

1. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama for two years will not be allowed to sell any hounds tooth clothing merchandise. Nor will any fan be allowed in the stadium wearing such clothing.

2. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama has to close the Paul Bear Bryant Museum for one year except for the hours of 8 to 12 PM on Sunday mornings. (Thus forcing the Tiders to choose between their gods. They are bound to feel guilty no matter which place they choose on Sunday.)

3. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama has to replay scenes on its scoreboard of Auburn’s greatest victories during each home half-time for a period not to exceed four years.

4. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama has to rename one campus building “Phil Fulmer Hall” for the period of the rest of Phillip Fulmer’s natural life. The building in question will be determined by Mr. Fulmer.

5. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama must remove the mascot of an elephant from its buildings, signs, and clothing and replace it with a mouse for the period not to exceed three years.

6. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama institute a course called “Get a Life Outside of Football 101″ and have all of its boosters complete it before being allowed to take any future donations.

7. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama is relegated to the Papajohns.com bowl for the next five years regardless of how many wins over .500 they might have. They also must spot the opposing team a three touchdown lead.

8. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama must supply Auburn University with all the toilet paper it needs for the next ten years at Toomer’s Corner.

9. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama must endow a chair in the music department named after Neil Young.

10. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama must re-instate Mike Shula as head coach until said coach wins the SEC Championship. Nick Saban will be allowed to coach the gymnastics, swimming, or girls softball teams without any adjustment in salary.

So you want to break it off, but don’t have the cajones to do it by yourself?

If you have any dignity at all, you will dump her like a man. Lame lines like "It isn’t you, its me" were invented by women, and should not be said by anyone with even one testicle.

I have compiled the following list of surefire relationship ending techniques. If any one doesn’t do the trick, try using several at once.

1. Change your phone number and hide

It doesn’t matter where you go, as long as she wouldn’t expect to find you there.

Under the couch and the feminine products aisle at the local grocery store have both worked for me.

2. Call her fat

Don’t just hint at it, or tell her when she asks how she looks in a dress. You will want to volunteer it, repeatedly. Just once won’t do it.

Try calling her on her birthday just to ask if she’s gained weight lately, then hang up.

3. Tell her you’re gay

Be prepared to prove it.

4. Hook up with her friends

Take care of two birds with one stone.

5. Admit to a crime

Make sure it isn’t anything that she might think is cool or exciting, that is called bragging.

At the same time, you want to make sure it isn’t something weird or pervy, unless you want word getting out that you’re a pedophile.

It’s a careful balancing act.

6. Forget important details about your relationship

Her birthday, her phone number, your anniversary, her last name, her first name…

Use your imagination. If this doesn’t get you broken up, you aren’t trying hard enough.

7. Take her on vacation and leave her

Women do not like this.

8. Watch every NFL, NCAA, Arena and High School football game and TiVo them to watch again later

Tell her that you love her more than anything except football, and casually let her know that you would choose football over her in a heartbeat.

9. Say another name in bed. Preferably her best friend’s name

She has to be in bed with you when you do this. Otherwise it just doesn’t work.

10. Marry her

Automatic 50% chance of divorce. Plus, there are great tax breaks involved.

1. You notice the grandmas

and the grandpas at the beach are snapping at the grandkids.

2. You see an ad

for a rib joint and think, "Nah. I’ve had enough of those."

3. You sign on and notice

that your backlog of office e-mails has hit the 500 mark, while the number of half-drunk water bottles around you outnumber the full bottles by a 5-to-1 ratio.

4. You only have two rolls

of toilet paper left out of a 24-pack.

5. You crave a simple glass of ice water

instead of a those coconut-pineapple-five-kinds-of-rum drinks.

6. You have more sand in your car

than they have at Normandy.

7. You walk around humming

Jimmy Buffet’s greatest hits, and find out all of your mail has been forwarded to Margaretville.

8. You see it has been raining

in Maryland and you know your grass will be a half-foot high. And you are happy to know you are needed.

9. You can’t wait

to get home to read the book you brought to the beach.

10. You are delighted

to learn that NFL training camps are opening.

Even though I’m no longer a college student, the appeal of free food still hasn’t worn off. Why does the exact same pizza taste so much better when you get it for free? Maybe it’s just one of life’s many mysteries.

While we may never solve that mystery, there’s another issue at hand that I can definitely help you out with — finding ways to get free food in college. With 8 years of college under my belt, here are some tips for finding free food on or around your campus.

1. Join a club

Campus clubs will often have free food at their meetings throughout the school year. In some cases, you actually have to be a member of the club, but other times they’ll throw events that are open to all students. Go for the food, and who knows? You may even meet some interesting people and learn something new.

2. Participate in the fraternity rush

Just because you participate in the frat rush doesn’t mean you have to join a fraternity. What it does mean is that you’ll get free food almost every day of the week as you visit the different frat houses. I did this with a few friends my freshman year, and while a lot of them ended up joining fraternities, I didn’t. The free food was awesome though. Sorry, girls, sororities usually skip the free food and activities for their rush.

3. Go to campus events and activities

Throughout the school year, colleges have various events, activities, fundraisers, etc., and there’s usually some free food involved. I’ve had everything from free cheesecake to free BBQ. Be sure to show up early though, because the food at these events tends to run out fast.

4. Check out art openings

It’s hard to mention art without mentioning wine and cheese. Stay on the lookout for gallery openings and new exhibits on or near your campus. These events are almost always stocked with wine, cheese, and other treats. Of course, it doesn’t hurt if you actually appreciate the art as well.

5. Go to restaurants on free food days

Some restaurants give out free food throughout the year. Check your campus paper for coupons and ads. Over the years, I’ve happily devoured my fair share of free Chipotle burritos, and I’ve stood in line for free ice cream at Ben & Jerry’s on their annual free cone day. Speaking of free ice cream, Cold Stone is giving out free ice cream on September 25th from 5:00-8:00 PM.

6. Become a regular

If you frequent a place enough, you should get to know the owner, manager, and wait staff. While you shouldn’t expect to eat an entire meal for free, I’ve gotten free appetizers, drinks, etc. in the past. It’s even better if you already know someone who works there, because you get the free food benefits immediately.

7. Shop at a grocery store with free samples

I’m not suggesting that you make a trip to a grocery store just for the free samples, but at some stores, you could almost make an entire meal out of them. Stores usually have more samples out during the weekends, so if you’re up for braving the crowds, you can enjoy a miniature feast while restocking your supply of ramen noodles.

8. Find a boyfriend/girlfriend

If you’ve got a significant other, you’re pretty much guaranteed free food on at least one day of the year — your birthday. Then there are those other days like Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, half-birthdays, or whatever other crazy things you choose to celebrate. Depending on your relationship, you’ll either get free food or the satisfaction of paying for your partner’s free food.

9. Go to a thesis defense

It’s no secret that free food is the best bait for graduate students. In my graduate program, students typically provide free snacks at their thesis defense. Of course, you’ll have to decide whether it’s worth sitting through an entire thesis defense for a couple of donuts. The other option is to show up at the end and scavenge the leftovers.

10. Go dumpster diving

This is the only tip on this list that I’ve never done myself, but from what I’ve read, it’s not as bad as it sounds. Bakeries and bagel shops are popular targets for dumpster divers, since many of them throw away perfectly good day old items. Grocery stores are another great target, because they throw out “expired” goods, which could be anything from aged produce to cases of wine.

Humor is the best medicine for any situation. See how humor can work for you in your workplace.

1. Humor is in the eye of the beholder

Set boundaries of what is appropriate and what is not, because what some people find humorous, others will find offensive. Parameters of acceptable behaviors can be in the form of official written policies as well as through verbal communications and role modeling.

2. Keep it clean and kind

Humor should never hurt or embarrass any individual or group of individuals. If people are made to feel self conscious or ashamed, the effects will be costly to productivity, morale and may even extend into the marketplace where a company’s brand and reputation can be irreparably damaged. 

3. Make it fun

Humor at work is part attitude, part action. Use humor as a way to create an inclusive environment. Not only do you want to benefit from humor and the energy it creates, you also want to be able to see the world of humor through the eyes of others as well as your own.

4. Assign employees to be in charge of fun

Humor can be inserted into everyday business activities. One possibility is to assign a different person to bring a funny clip from a paper, magazine or internet page to the weekly staff meeting. Or, you can ask employees to volunteer for a joke-writing contest.

5. Allocate time

Carve out time to schedule events where humor plays a role. This can mean finishing early one day each month, or week to do something that will make people laugh, or at least a chuckle.

6. Make it a priority

When planning or setting objectives, think about the underlying tone and look for the existence of humor. If it’s not there, add it. For example, say the development of a presentation is underway. If upon examination, you realize it’s is too dry, spice it up with a humorous slide or activity.

7. Find what’s funny in everyday life

Spontaneous humor is as important, and possibly even more therapeutic, than formal efforts to incorporate it into people’s lives at work. One of the best ways to start is to find opportunities to laugh at yourself. This does not mean doing so critically or with judgment, but rather in a way that makes you and others smile. 

8. Balance responsibility

Organizations and individuals need to be equally accountable for making right versus wrong choices. Behaviors are shaped and organizational behavior is no exception. Individuals need to know what they will face if they “misbehave” and leadership needs to set an example by behaving how they want and expect others to.

9. Nip it in the bud

Discriminatory jokes should be met with immediate reprimand. If allowed, ill-intended humor and its effects will spread through an organization like cancer and imbue it with a dark cloud. Plus, the last thing any company needs is to be accused of harassment or faced with a costly lawsuit.

10. Measure success

Look for laughs. If people are smiling and laughing, they are enjoying themselves, and you have proof that humor is working for you at your workplace.

Overall, the best approach a company can have is to appreciate what humor can bring to a business and the people in it while at the same time maintaining a healthy respect and sensitivity for its power to hurt or heal. Happy people make a happy workplace and a happy workplace produces positive results.