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 “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last –more than passion or even sex,” said Simone Signoret. The stronger your threads are, the better your relationship or marriage will be.

1. Untangle money issues

“Often, when couples argue about money, it’s not money that’s the problem,” says William Harley, PhD, author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage. “Instead, the money fights are a byproduct of relationship neglect.” Money can become a weapon when one spouse uses the other’s spending habits as ammunition or when a spouse spends money to get even. To improve a bad relationship, figure out exactly what you’re arguing about.

2. Take risks together

Trying new things together, such as sky diving or learning about astronomy, unites you as a couple. Psychology professor Leaf Van Boven from the University of Colorado explains that happiness is found in what you do (not what you buy) because experiences are open to positive reinterpretations, become a meaningful part of your identity, and contribute to a happy marriage or relationship.

3. Get angry!

Expressing anger and resolving conflict not only improve a bad relationship and keeps your love alive, it also lengthens your life span. “When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict,” says Ernest Harburg, researcher and professor emeritus at the University of Michigan. “Usually nobody is trained to do this.” His research reveals that couples who suppress anger are twice as likely to face early death as those who express it. 

Marriage and family counselor Lisa Brookes Kift offers these tips for keeping your relationship strong and your love alive: 

4. Commit to checking in with each other

every day – or at least a few times a week without distractions.  Marriages often get “dry” when couples get busy and don’t prioritize each other and get a read or take the pulse of how the other is feeling.  This tip for improving a bad relationship and improving your love life will help you stay committed.

5. Crack each other up

stupid pet names, looks they give each other or whatever.  Humor has a knack for binding couples together and de-escalating conflict.  It also demonstrates friendship in the marriage, which is very important. 

6. Be mindful of criticism, contempt, stonewalling and defensiveness

If a lot of any or all of these exist in a marriage – research has shown that the chances are much higher for divorce. Criticism and contempt do not keep love alive; in fact, it’ll thwart your relationship goals for good.

Psychologist Bruce Eimer offers these tips for keeping your relationship healthy: 

7. Remember the romantic beginnings

To improve a bad relationship, visualize the person you dated and married. To improve a bad relationship, remember that person is still alive inside of him. The stressors and tribulations of life may have made that inner goodness hard to see.  

8. Appreciate your partner

Look at your husband and take a moment to appreciate all of the things that he does for you and gives you.  You may in fact want to express your appreciation for him verbally and/or non-verbally. To keep your relationship strong, tell your husband what you like about him and watch him beam.  You’ll beam too!

9. Keep dating

Make one day a week a special day–a day during which to schedule a “goody time” – to keep your love alive.  This can be any shared activity that you both can appreciate (such as a dinner out, going to the movies, etc.). 

10. Keep communicating

Research shows that contempt and holding back communication are harbingers of marital trouble and potential failure. So, find things about your spouse to appreciate and respect, and don’t stonewall.  To improve a bad relationship, talk, touch, and communicate.

Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of jealous, hurt, angry, resentful emotions. Your mood can swing from depression to bitter anger. The only thing you seem to think about is what went wrong, can I get him/her back or I’ll show him/her. The main theme in your life is ‘How can I feel better right NOW?’ Here are some suggestions that I hope will help. 

1. Friends and Family

I know this may seem obvious but lean on your friends and family. Spend time doing things together, not just talking and thinking about the break up. If this isn’t enough, you may consider a support group or counseling. 

2. Resist the urge to beg

You want them back but not at any price. At the time it may seem the right thing to do but think about it. In the long run they will lose respect for you. This doesn’t mean don’t try to work things out. If there is a chance you can work things out, go for it. However, if your partner has made it clear that in their eyes, the relationship is over, begging will not help and may hurt the situation. 

3. Make a change in your life

Find a new way to spend your time. Take a class, join a gym, adopt a pet, or volunteer. Do anything that will make you feel good about yourself. Your ego is probably feeling bruised right now. Find a way to counteract that. 

4. Understand your mistakes but also realize that you are not a failure

Don’t beat yourself up. If you made mistakes, then yes, learn from them but dwelling on what might have been won’t help. It takes two to make a relationship, it also takes two to end one. You weren’t the only one who made mistakes. It may not seem useful to you now, but a lot of times the things you learned from this experience will make your next relationship stronger, as long as you make the necessary changes.

5. Start Dating

You won’t feel like it at first, but don’t stay away from other people for an extended period of time. Going out with other people can help the healing process and boast your ego. 

6. Don’t fall prey to others

There will be people trying to sell you this or that, guaranteed to win back your partner. Don’t let people take advantage of you while you are vulnerable. If you do buy something, understand that while there is a chance it could help, there is also a chance that it won’t. 

7. Take up a hobby

Learn something new. There is probably something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the time. You have the time, do it. 

8. Don’t rush into another relationship

While starting to date can help you feel better, it’s not a good idea to rush right into another relationship. Take time to heal before making any commitments or someone will probably end up getting hurt.  

9. Avoid dwelling on it

I know it’s impossible not to think about it, but, if you find yourself doing so for an extended period of time, find a way to take your mind off of it. Call a friend; go to the gym, whatever comes to mind. If nothing seems to work, try this: Make a list of reasons why you are better off now. This could include I have time to do the things I want to do. I can date anyone I want to. I can find a partner who will appreciate me the way I am and stop wasting time on a doomed relationship. Think about the things they did that drove you crazy, because there are some. Don’t look back with rose colored glasses and only remember the good things. Don’t have the idea in your head that if only we were back together I would be happy. Wrong. Wouldn’t they have a lot to answer for if you did get back together? Leaving you was probably the biggest mistake they will ever make. Let them dwell on it, you move on! 

10. Build your ego

I’ve touched on this already but it is very important. Find ways to feel better about yourself. This could be anything from getting a haircut to buying some new clothes. You could take a class on self improvement. If nothing else, you should do this: Make a list of things that make you a great person. Don’t sit there and tell me you can’t think of anything. I don’t buy it. Try again. Are you kind? Patient? Intelligent? Cook like a pro? Can fix anything? There are things that make you great. WRITE them down and whenever you feel low, read your list and add to it. You are you and you are great so don’t let anyone ever make you feel that you aren’t.

Marriage is a wonderful thing if you know how to cultivate it. If you take the time to make sure your wife is aware of the way you feel, then you often will find that they very much feel the same way. A woman is not driven as much by physical things as they are by emotional things. The right words are like magic when it comes to a woman’s heart. Still, your actions play a big part as well and can deliver that same emotional high that a well placed comment provides. Here are ten ways to say “I Love You” to your wife:

1. Help at home

Get of your hind end and do the dishes, vacuum, do the laundry, etc…. Whatever tasks your wife normally does around the house, you should sneak up and do them for her at least once a week. The key here is to do them when she is not expecting it, and when she really needs it.

2. Take her to your special place for no good reason

Every couple has a place that means something to them. Sometimes that might be a diner, or a park just outside the city. Regardless of where your special place is, keep it special by taking her when nothing special is going on.

3. Draw her a bath after a long day

Nothing is more relaxing and says I Love You like a nice warm bath that you did not have to work for. Your relationship will love you back and your wife will too.

4. Take the time to talk for the sake of learning about her

Too many men pass over the wonders of what makes a woman special. Learn why she feels a certain way, thinks a certain way, and lives a certain way. You will love her more and she will feel that love through your interest.

5. Close your mouth when she is speaking

If you are talking over your wife, you are telling her that she does not matter. Just because we are men that naturally want to dominate the conversation does not mean that we should talk over our wives. Listen to her and you just might learn something. You will also be showing her that you love and respect what she has to say.

6. Spend some time going over the old pictures and make a memory book

While this may seem kind of hokey, it is a ton of fun. Nothing is more fun than to go back over all the good times you have shared, and the book will thrill your wife like nothing else.

7. Hold her hand when you go places

This simple gesture of love is often overlooked after years of marriage and I assure you it bothers your wife if you do not do it. More importantly, it says I Love You when you do.

8. Ask her opinion on important issues that you normally handle

While we fall into routines in our marriages, it is important to still let your wife know that her opinion matters in those things that you are handling. Day to day decisions can become very bland if you do not mix things up a bit.

9. Renew your wedding vows every single day

This is a simple gesture that takes about five minutes. It does not mean that you should recite your wedding vows each day. It means to let your wife know why you love her every single day in some way. Something your wife does triggers love in you every day, and you should make sure she knows what that is.

10. Give her a weekend getaway….without you

This one is a bit complicated, but the bottom line is we are all individuals. Let her know that you trust her and care for her well being by setting up a getaway with her girlfriends on the sly, or setting up a day of pampering for her and a friend. Absence does make the heart grow fonder after all.

Women are very much paying attention to what we do guys. If you do not take the time to say I love you in as many ways as possible, the relationship will suffer. Spend some time thinking about how you can show your wife what she means to you for no good reason. You will be amazed at the marriage it creates.

So it’s been several months since the breakdown of your relationship and you have been working through the process the best you can.

Everyone moves through the emotional stages of separation and divorce differently – each in their own time and way. I encourage you to take a look at how far you’ve come and acknowledge and congratulate yourself for all your hard work.

Here are 10 useful ways to help you to manage your emotions through this difficult time:

1. Know That Trips Down Memory Lane Are Inevitable

There will be times when you think about the good and the bad times, the laughter and the tears. Don’t fight it, accept that this is part of the process and allow yourself to feel all your emotions.

2. Trust That You’re On The Right Track

The end of a relationship brings major change, especially when children are involved. Change can be challenging and is not always easy. Trust that you are on the right track and you’re strong and can handle anything that comes your way.

3. Identify The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

It’s healthy to acknowledge the reasons why your relationship didn’t work. Make a list of all the good and bad characteristics, behaviors and circumstances that made up your relationship. Take time to reflect on these things and recognize what lessons you can learn and take into a new relationship.  

4. Take Responsibility For The Role You Played

If a relationship fails, both parties are responsible. This may be hard for you to hear or accept but in any relationship both people are responsible for the health and stability of that relationship. By taking responsibility for the part you played in the breakdown of your relationship and letting go of fault and blame, you can fully let go of the past and move forward, towards a happy future.

5. Grab Your Support Team

Whenever you feel the need reach out to a trusted friend for support and comfort. Often by simply sharing your feelings with someone else the intensity of your emotions will lighten and you will instantly feel better.

6. Look After Yourself

A healthy body promotes a healthy mind. So take extra care and make sure you’re getting enough rest, nourishment, exercise and time out.

7. Prioritize Me Time

Take time out to do things you enjoy. Have fun, let your hair down and enjoy the simple pleasures that life has to offer.

8. Be Honest With Yourself About Your Feelings

Take the time to sit with your feelings, what are they really about? What is the issue the source of the discomfort? Is it really about your ex, or something bigger? Often the intensity of our feelings has little to do with the current situation, sometimes feelings, pain and beliefs from past events are triggered heightening our reaction to the current situation. Dig deep and ask yourself where are these feelings coming from, are they familiar? Try and separate the past and the present, by doing so you may find that you’re not as upset as you thought you were. 

9. Be Grateful For All Your Blessings

Some people find it useful to keep a gratitude journal. Everyday write down all the things you’re grateful for. You will quickly see that you have a lot of great things in your life and this will help you to see a positive, fulfilling future.

10. Build Your Self Confidence

Relationship breakups can cause major havoc to your self-esteem. Take the time to get to know yourself and discover what a great person you are! Yes, you!

Once you have rediscovered all your wonderful qualities and skills you will realise that you can live happily without your ex and that true happiness exists within you.

About the author:  Rebecca is the Director of Two Homes Pty Limited. http://www.twohomes.com.au was created specifically to help, educate and empower separated parents.

Visit http://www.twohomes.com.au to easily access local information, resources and tools about separation, divorce, parenting and moving forward.

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