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 “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last –more than passion or even sex,” said Simone Signoret. The stronger your threads are, the better your relationship or marriage will be.

1. Untangle money issues

“Often, when couples argue about money, it’s not money that’s the problem,” says William Harley, PhD, author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage. “Instead, the money fights are a byproduct of relationship neglect.” Money can become a weapon when one spouse uses the other’s spending habits as ammunition or when a spouse spends money to get even. To improve a bad relationship, figure out exactly what you’re arguing about.

2. Take risks together

Trying new things together, such as sky diving or learning about astronomy, unites you as a couple. Psychology professor Leaf Van Boven from the University of Colorado explains that happiness is found in what you do (not what you buy) because experiences are open to positive reinterpretations, become a meaningful part of your identity, and contribute to a happy marriage or relationship.

3. Get angry!

Expressing anger and resolving conflict not only improve a bad relationship and keeps your love alive, it also lengthens your life span. “When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict,” says Ernest Harburg, researcher and professor emeritus at the University of Michigan. “Usually nobody is trained to do this.” His research reveals that couples who suppress anger are twice as likely to face early death as those who express it. 

Marriage and family counselor Lisa Brookes Kift offers these tips for keeping your relationship strong and your love alive: 

4. Commit to checking in with each other

every day – or at least a few times a week without distractions.  Marriages often get “dry” when couples get busy and don’t prioritize each other and get a read or take the pulse of how the other is feeling.  This tip for improving a bad relationship and improving your love life will help you stay committed.

5. Crack each other up

stupid pet names, looks they give each other or whatever.  Humor has a knack for binding couples together and de-escalating conflict.  It also demonstrates friendship in the marriage, which is very important. 

6. Be mindful of criticism, contempt, stonewalling and defensiveness

If a lot of any or all of these exist in a marriage – research has shown that the chances are much higher for divorce. Criticism and contempt do not keep love alive; in fact, it’ll thwart your relationship goals for good.

Psychologist Bruce Eimer offers these tips for keeping your relationship healthy: 

7. Remember the romantic beginnings

To improve a bad relationship, visualize the person you dated and married. To improve a bad relationship, remember that person is still alive inside of him. The stressors and tribulations of life may have made that inner goodness hard to see.  

8. Appreciate your partner

Look at your husband and take a moment to appreciate all of the things that he does for you and gives you.  You may in fact want to express your appreciation for him verbally and/or non-verbally. To keep your relationship strong, tell your husband what you like about him and watch him beam.  You’ll beam too!

9. Keep dating

Make one day a week a special day–a day during which to schedule a “goody time” – to keep your love alive.  This can be any shared activity that you both can appreciate (such as a dinner out, going to the movies, etc.). 

10. Keep communicating

Research shows that contempt and holding back communication are harbingers of marital trouble and potential failure. So, find things about your spouse to appreciate and respect, and don’t stonewall.  To improve a bad relationship, talk, touch, and communicate.

For most people, their wedding day is one of the most important days in their lives. Unfortunately, it can also be a stepping stone to disaster if the couple involved don’t pay attention to what is going on and take steps to make sure there won’t be long term problems that result of their actions in the days leading up to their big day. Below are ten ways your wedding can ruin your life.  

1. Your marriage

Very often people become so consumed by the wedding event that they sort of forget about the marriage part that will come after. The problem is that in trying to plan and execute a wedding, people can become angry with one another. They can behave in ways that the other has not seen. Generally this is due to stress and the emotional toll of going through life-changing events. The sad consequences of this sort of stress though, can lead to marriages that begin on shaky ground and then have trouble regaining their footing.

2. Emotional wreckage

Another problem with focusing so much attention on a single event, is that it can lead the people involved into all sorts of emotional problems, which can linger into the future after the marriage has finally occurred. Some even go into major depression which can last for years.

3. Personal image

Sometimes people find that the act of getting married causes them to see themselves differently. Some may see this in a positive light, but others may not. The fact is, it’s almost impossible to not see yourself differently once you become a member of a permanent team, where everyone now sees you individually as only a half of something, rather than the whole you they used to see. Many find this very difficult to accept and wind up rebelling against the label, or worse resenting their spouse for being half the problem. 

4. Friendships

Whenever people get married, their friendships almost always undergo a transformation; sometimes in good ways, but more often in ways that leave the newly married people feeling guilty or angry. Add to this the fact that quite often when people are planning their wedding, due to all the stress involved, they wind up causing a lot of friction between themselves and their friends, which can lead to permanent changes.

5. Family relationships

As with friendships, relationships with family generally change when people get married too. And when you add to that, the friction that can arise during the planning of the wedding, the possibility arises that there may be permanent damage to family relationships.

6. Financial hardships

It’s easy to get in over your head when planning your wedding. Many couples find themselves under a mountain of debt when they return from their honeymoon. This is definitely not a recipe for marital success.

7. Your Reputation

Depending on how you behave during the days you’re planning and working on getting your wedding together, you could find your reputation tarnished. People under stress quite often behave badly when things are tight, and these tight situations might stick in the heads of those who are around to bear witness.

8. Hard feelings

Also, due to stress and anxiety, people involved in planning their wedding quite often hurt the feelings of others. It might be friends, family, co-workers, or complete strangers. This may lead to hard feelings that may not dissipate simply because the wedding day has come and gone.

9. Your honeymoon

One very common thing among newly married couples is a feeling of let-down. After the wedding is over, or sometimes after the honeymoon, one or both parties to the wedding feel a very serious sense of letdown. This is because of all the hoopla and buildup to the wedding. After it’s over, and there is no more planning, or stress over what will be after, there is just you and this other person you married, suddenly living very ordinary lives. Sometimes it can cause couples to think they’ve made a mistake. Sometimes, they might be right.

10. Repercussions

Finally, many weddings are fraught with things that can go wrong that can permanently damage a marriage, which can ruin your life of course, at least for awhile. One of these is of course the bachelor party and the things that can go on. Another is the reception where people are drinking and quite often get into a lot of trouble. 

These ten ways that your wedding can ruin your life are presented as warning signs to anyone who is engaged and is in the process of planning their wedding. Being aware of these potential traps and taking action to avert them can save you and your future spouse a lot of heartache and grief. If you are someone in such a position, I hope these tips help. Good luck.

Original article source – Associatedcontent.com

So it’s been several months since the breakdown of your relationship and you have been working through the process the best you can.

Everyone moves through the emotional stages of separation and divorce differently – each in their own time and way. I encourage you to take a look at how far you’ve come and acknowledge and congratulate yourself for all your hard work.

Here are 10 useful ways to help you to manage your emotions through this difficult time:

1. Know That Trips Down Memory Lane Are Inevitable

There will be times when you think about the good and the bad times, the laughter and the tears. Don’t fight it, accept that this is part of the process and allow yourself to feel all your emotions.

2. Trust That You’re On The Right Track

The end of a relationship brings major change, especially when children are involved. Change can be challenging and is not always easy. Trust that you are on the right track and you’re strong and can handle anything that comes your way.

3. Identify The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

It’s healthy to acknowledge the reasons why your relationship didn’t work. Make a list of all the good and bad characteristics, behaviors and circumstances that made up your relationship. Take time to reflect on these things and recognize what lessons you can learn and take into a new relationship.  

4. Take Responsibility For The Role You Played

If a relationship fails, both parties are responsible. This may be hard for you to hear or accept but in any relationship both people are responsible for the health and stability of that relationship. By taking responsibility for the part you played in the breakdown of your relationship and letting go of fault and blame, you can fully let go of the past and move forward, towards a happy future.

5. Grab Your Support Team

Whenever you feel the need reach out to a trusted friend for support and comfort. Often by simply sharing your feelings with someone else the intensity of your emotions will lighten and you will instantly feel better.

6. Look After Yourself

A healthy body promotes a healthy mind. So take extra care and make sure you’re getting enough rest, nourishment, exercise and time out.

7. Prioritize Me Time

Take time out to do things you enjoy. Have fun, let your hair down and enjoy the simple pleasures that life has to offer.

8. Be Honest With Yourself About Your Feelings

Take the time to sit with your feelings, what are they really about? What is the issue the source of the discomfort? Is it really about your ex, or something bigger? Often the intensity of our feelings has little to do with the current situation, sometimes feelings, pain and beliefs from past events are triggered heightening our reaction to the current situation. Dig deep and ask yourself where are these feelings coming from, are they familiar? Try and separate the past and the present, by doing so you may find that you’re not as upset as you thought you were. 

9. Be Grateful For All Your Blessings

Some people find it useful to keep a gratitude journal. Everyday write down all the things you’re grateful for. You will quickly see that you have a lot of great things in your life and this will help you to see a positive, fulfilling future.

10. Build Your Self Confidence

Relationship breakups can cause major havoc to your self-esteem. Take the time to get to know yourself and discover what a great person you are! Yes, you!

Once you have rediscovered all your wonderful qualities and skills you will realise that you can live happily without your ex and that true happiness exists within you.

About the author:  Rebecca is the Director of Two Homes Pty Limited. http://www.twohomes.com.au was created specifically to help, educate and empower separated parents.

Visit http://www.twohomes.com.au to easily access local information, resources and tools about separation, divorce, parenting and moving forward.

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