Tenomania.com

It’s a well-known fact that circuit boards and liquids don’t mix, but there are more bizarre ways to break your laptop. A Massachusetts-based computer repair company has listed the top 10 ways that people deep-six their laptops–MacBooks, in particular. In many respects, a laptop is an accident waiting to happen. Often there is no more than a thin piece of plastic between the user and disaster. And Apple MacBooks are particularly vulnerable at Starbucks these days due to their increasing popularity over the standard-fare Dell laptop.

But spilling coffee on your keyboard is one of the less colorful ways to break your laptop (Apple MacBook Air owners take note: No. 7). Computer repair company MicroReplay, which specializes in repairing Apple computers, listed the top 10 ways that consumers kill their laptops.

1. Sorry, honey, I punched the laptop

"Striking a laptop computer with a fist, even while (the laptop is) closed, will jostle the logic board and stop the computer," said Joseph Kouyoumjian, president and founder of MicroReplay. Estimated repair cost: $1,000.

2. Facebook freak-out

A teenage girl discovers a picture of her boyfriend kissing another girl becomes outraged and flings her MacBook off the desk, sending it crashing onto the hardwood floor. Estimated repair cost: $475.

3. Cockpit crusher

The pilot of a commercial Airbus A320 moves his seat forward while the laptop is on the floor, crushing the case and breaking the logic board. Estimated repair cost: $800.

4. Temper Toss (a subset of the "Facebook freak-out")

Thrown objects can easily break a laptop’s screen. "If you receive bad news on your BlackBerry, resist the temptation to throw near your open Apple MacBook Air." Estimated repair cost: $500.

5. Hurling

"If you puke on your laptop, don’t even tell the laptop computer repair company what the liquid is," notes Kouyoumjian. "If we know it’s bodily fluid, we don’t want it." Estimated repair cost: Fix it yourself, please.

6. Passing out drunk on your Dell laptop

Your sleeping bodyweight can bend the case, and may also ruin the screen. Estimated repair cost: $325–$500.

7. MacBook laptop as foot stool, or scale

No Laptop computer is designed to support your weight, so stepping on your laptop will almost certainly break it. Repair cost: Depends on how much you weigh….

8. Ear buds as laptop or notebook computer terrorist

"Closing your laptop with your ear buds inside will crack the screen," according to Kouyoumjian. "This kind of laptop computer repair is growing with alarming speed. It seems we love our ear buds, yet forget that they are not made of cushy foam. We see a lot of cracked screens as a result." Estimated repair cost: $440.

9. Your 5-year-old discovers gravity!

Any time you drop your laptop from more than 2 feet, it can shake loose a chip or board, and break the machine. Estimated repair cost: $300.

10. Starbucks hates your keyboard

"Liquid spills on a laptop’s keyboard short them out every time. Maybe it’s the caffeine that makes us jittery, but so many laptops are killed by coffee there should be a warning on the paper cup." Estimated repair cost: $350 to $500, depending on the amount of time the computer was left running after the spill.

Men Are Just Happier People– What do you expect from such simple creatures.

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are never depressed!!!

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy

"I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day." ~Frank Sinatra

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O’Rourke

"Beer is the only proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry

To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here’s how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers." ~ Cliff Clavin

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at, my friend, Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on my desk. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Have you ever had one of those days where you could barely squeeze in 5 minutes to use the bathroom? At one time I had my 3 little ones in diapers, it’s a wonder my bladder didn’t explode! Or I could’ve used a diaper myself.  As a busy parent, we hardly have a moment to ourselves. While parenting our children is undoubtedly the most rewarding job in the world, the joy can be robbed if we are overworked.

We cannot be at our best as a parent if we are short on energy and short on our temper.

Here are three signs that you need a break –

• You want to scream, cry, and throw something across the room all at the same time.
• You want to gorge 10 pounds of chocolate at one sitting.
• You want to curl up in a fetal position.

Don’t let yourself get to that breaking point!

The ideal situation would be to get a babysitter for 2 hours and have that time to yourself. However, we all know it is unrealistic to have that luxury everyday. However, we can be creative in carving out some moments where we can give ourselves a quick lift. It will make all the difference.

I’ve found these 10 ways to rejuvenate my energy in the midst of a busy day. These work even with the kids around:

1. Get some fresh air

I know it can be an effort to get out of the house, but believe me, it is worth the effort. Pack the kids up in a stroller, take a snack and juice for them, and go outside for a short walk. Breathe deeply! Look up at the sky, enjoy the beauty of the day. Take a camera with you and take pictures of flowers or a butterfly. Have your children collect pebbles, leaves and flowers. That keeps them well-occupied. I love looking at the houses in my neighborhood while getting landscape ideas and criticizing weird choice of paint colors! Occasionally I’d find a neighbor to chat with. Going outside gives you a freshness in your day.

2. Make yourself a hot cup of spice tea

Sit down and drink it slowly. Sometimes I put a warm towel over your eyes for one minute.

3. Start making plans to do something for yourself

Call the babysitter, make a hair appointment, schedule a lunch with a friend. Having something to look forward to will lift your spirits.

4. Do jumping jacks or jump rope with the kids

A little exercise to get the blood flowing will actually give you more energy than sitting down. I have a very old Jane Fonda aerobics tape that I follow once in a while with my children jumping around along with me.

5. If you can’t get away to take a shower, the next best thing is wash your face

I like to splash my face with nice warm water for several minutes and scrub with a moisturizing cleaner. Once in a while, I’ll apply a mask. The laughter of the children at the way you look with a mask on is an added benefit! After that, put on fresh make-up, even if you’re not going anywhere. You’ll feel more alive when you look good in the mirror.

6. Call a friend

Call a friend to chat.

7. Turn on the radio to your favorite station

I like listening to talk shows to engage myself in the outside world. Music that promotes a calm atmosphere is good too.

8. Read a joke book or read jokes from a joke website

there are so many good clean jokes on the internet. Make sure you laugh out loud

9. Get food delivered

I generally prefer my own home-cooked meals, but some days, I don’t need the stress of having to cook. It’s also relaxing to eat out of the box so there are no dishes to wash.

10. Give time to yourself

This is the most important one – when your children take a nap, make sure you use that time to clean the house do something for yourself – take a shower, read a book, take a nap!

1. At the movie theatre: When you meet acquaintances/friends

• Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
• Answer:- Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here.

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet

• Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
• Answer:- No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia….. why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask

• Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
• Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

• Stupid Question:- Is the "Chicken garlic" dish good??
• Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years

• Stupid Question:- Jason,Ronny you’ve become so big.
• Answer:- Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask

• Stupid Question:- Is the guy you’re marrying good?
• Answer:- No, he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout…it’s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call

• Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
• Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping… you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair

• Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
• Answer:- No, its autumn and I’m shedding.

9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth

• Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
• Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks

• Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
• Answer:- Gosh, it’s a miracle …………it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish".

The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to".

The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".

The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside , what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’, and how I can make a woman truly happy?"

God took a deep breath and said, "YOU WANT TWO LANES OR FOUR ON THAT BRIDGE???"

What I think the NCAA is lacking in, among other things, is imagination. I think it is a safe bet that Alabama someday in the future is going to be caught again in some type of football scandal like the recent textbook case or something much worse. What the NCAA needs is a pool of ideas about how to better go about punishing Alabama.  How to hit them where it really hurts. Vacating wins? Pssh, who cares? is what they are saying in Tuscaloosa. They know they won those games. To help the NCAA out, I have a few ideas of my own.

1. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama for two years will not be allowed to sell any hounds tooth clothing merchandise. Nor will any fan be allowed in the stadium wearing such clothing.

2. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama has to close the Paul Bear Bryant Museum for one year except for the hours of 8 to 12 PM on Sunday mornings. (Thus forcing the Tiders to choose between their gods. They are bound to feel guilty no matter which place they choose on Sunday.)

3. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama has to replay scenes on its scoreboard of Auburn’s greatest victories during each home half-time for a period not to exceed four years.

4. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama has to rename one campus building “Phil Fulmer Hall” for the period of the rest of Phillip Fulmer’s natural life. The building in question will be determined by Mr. Fulmer.

5. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama must remove the mascot of an elephant from its buildings, signs, and clothing and replace it with a mouse for the period not to exceed three years.

6. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama institute a course called “Get a Life Outside of Football 101″ and have all of its boosters complete it before being allowed to take any future donations.

7. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama is relegated to the Papajohns.com bowl for the next five years regardless of how many wins over .500 they might have. They also must spot the opposing team a three touchdown lead.

8. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama must supply Auburn University with all the toilet paper it needs for the next ten years at Toomer’s Corner.

9. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama must endow a chair in the music department named after Neil Young.

10. The NCAA hereby mandates that

the University of Alabama must re-instate Mike Shula as head coach until said coach wins the SEC Championship. Nick Saban will be allowed to coach the gymnastics, swimming, or girls softball teams without any adjustment in salary.

What is confidence?? ??

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that  the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an un-crewed aircraft.

Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company’s software is running the aircraft’s automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse. One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight,

he replies : "If it is the same software that is developed by my company’s IT systems department, this plane won’t even take off." !!!!

That is called Confidence!!!